My new college lifestyle was interrupted, as things always are when you’re developing a good rhythm.  Last Tuesday my parents came to visit me and drop off some stuff I had forgotten when I moved.  When they arrived, they each pulled me into a hug and instantly I knew something was wrong.  The tears started to well up and they informed me that about ten minutes before they got there, my uncle had called them to say that my Grammy had passed away.  She had been 89 years old and had lived a very full life, raising 4 children and then 4 grandchildren.  Honestly, I am more happy and relieved than sad at her passing.  She’s been suffering from dementia for about 4 or 5 years now.  I found it incredibly difficult to see her that way.  She had lost a ton of weight and withered down to about 80 pounds.  About a week ago, she stopped eating entirely.  We knew it was only a matter of time.

I honestly cannot take much more heartache.  My other grandmother passed away 4 months ago on June 1st.  That was even harder cause it had not been expected at all.  Her death still hasn’t even sunk in somehow.  I keep thinking that the next time I go down to Georgia, she’ll still be there or when I call my Granddad, she’ll answer the phone.  And then on the other hand, I’ve been so prepared for my Grammy to pass because mentally she’s been gone for a year or so now.

At the funeral today, I sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” with my cousin.  We all also put together a slideshow of pictures of Grammy with her kids and grandkids.  One picture kept coming up and making my cry.  The picture from my parents’ wedding with both sets of parents with the bride and groom.  It hurt to see the three most important things in my life that have been taken from me, smiling in that happy picture: my two grandmothers and my parents’ marriage which has been dissolving away since February right before my eyes.

How are you supposed to recover from all of this trauma?

Rest in Peace

Gramcracker and Grammy

I miss you both so much

So, life has been crazy.  In order to fix this, I upped and moved.  Seriously.  I had to get away from The Drama(tm).  I made some serious changes.  The largest of which is going back to school.  And not just taking a couple of classes while still working at the credit union and living at home, but moving across the state to School #4 (Mass College of Liberal Arts) as a full-time student and on-campus resident.  It’s a big and very scary change, but one I seriously needed to do.  I’m all moved in, met the roommates, who seem nice if a little cliquish.

See the bedspread, it’s a duvet cover I made myself!

Yea.  I am now about five minutes from my bff Rachel too, which is a huge perk!  Other major changes include some serious therapy that has been life-changing.  I realized that I am soooo much stronger than I ever thought I was capable of being.  I’ve learned that as weak as I sometimes think it is, I am the victim of some serious shit and some crappy parenting.  I don’t have to be the care-taker and don’t have to fix everything.  It’s not my job.  My job is to be a young adult, discover and take care of myself, even though it feels a little selfish.

The other changes are a little superficial, but still pretty fun.  I’ve lost 20 pounds.  I put purple in my hair (which has already faded, but I’m gonna redo it soon).  I’ve left my job at the bank so now I’m in super-cute jeans (two sizes smaller than I used to wear, woot!), my nose ring is always in and my tattoos aren’t covered up.  I have a bit more free time than I’m used to, but that will probably change when classes start tomorrow.  I dunno, I’ve started just taking care of myself in general, a definite good thing.  Although, I really need to find a new part-time gig, my finds are running a bit low and I have bills to pay.  I made a contact at the LYS though.  The owner was a sweetheart and I asked if they needed any help and she took my number.  It’s a bit of a drive, but its a start.

Well, I guess that’s it.  I’m going to try to blog more often.  No promises, but I’ll try.

Oh, I’ve also learned that I am a steampunk-wannabe.

I am, in fact, alive!  The family drama is through the flipping roof!  And I went on vacation for a week, so I haven’t been around so much.

I want to talk more, but I am really sleepy.  So, I’m gonna turn the lappy off and pay attention to Twilight (I’m listening to the commentary with KStew, RPattz and CHart (ok that one just sounds lame)) and knit of course.

Seeya!

Well, obviously by that title this post probably won’t be too happy.  However, in the hopes that all of my troubles will magically go away, I start with the happy stuff.

First off, meet Miss Elinor Rigby Dashwood:

Or since that is an awfully long name for such an itty bitty kitty, Ellie will suffice.  She just joined our family on Friday and has successfully wiggled her way into our hearts.

Next up, would be school, which is going pretty well.  I like paralegal.  I’ve missed a couple of classes though due to the drama that’s supposed to be magically disappearing right now, so I don’t think my professor is very happy with me.

Next is knitting.  Wow, I haven’t posted knitting in ages.  Well, let’s start with stuff I’ve finished.

Socks that were meant for me, but Aunt Beth showed particular interest as I was knitting them up:

Yarn: Collinette Jitterbug
Pattern: Jitterbug Ballband Pattern

Mitts that were a belated X-mas present to my brother’s gf Brittany:

Yarn: My own handspun
Pattern: Modified Maine Morning Mitts

Mitts for a friend of my mom’s:

Yarn: Malabrigo
Pattern: Maine Morning Mitts (I fell in love with this simple pattern, it was perfect for last minute x-mas presents)

Snowmen, knit up on Chirstmas Eve for my Aunt Sue who is OBSESSED with Snowmen:

Yarn: Mix of Iron Horse Farm Mohair and Icelandic blend, handspun, and Malabrigo
Pattern: ummm I’ll have to get back to you.

Those are the finished ones and here are my WIPs:

First, the Mystic Star Shawl KAL, that’s only Clue 1, I have to sit down and do Clue 2 and 3. The second is the second of my Blackrose Socks, renamed to the Bad Wolf Socks because of all the Rose references (pattern name: Blackrose, colorway name: Gothic Rose) and the Tardis in the background of that specific picture. The third is my mom’s Shoalwater Shawl that I’ve been working on since before Christmas, but and almost done with.

I also joined a sock club last night at my knit night. It’s the first one Debbie, my knitting mentor, has been able to host since she got very sick. It was very nice to see her again and see that she was doing well.

I’ve also booked a much-needed vacation to Georgia to visit the grandparents. I am so close to them and although, I only saw them about a year ago, it was for a very last-minute long weekend to visit the colleges I was accepted to near them, so much of my visit was spend in the car. This time, I’m flying down on March 13 and flying back on March 23! That’s a whole ten days! It’s my Spring Break from school, so imgine how surprised I was to find tickets for less than $200 roundtrip. I’m thinking about renting a car while I’m down there to make a visit to Nashville to visit one of my friends that moved there about a year ago.

I’ve also replaced my iPod recently, with a new red 16 gig iPod Nano. Mine finally died its last death, this was a bit of a downgrade, gig-wise, but honestly, do I need all of my audiobooks all of the time, or at least all of the sequels? Oh, and I bought a beautiful pair of pointy-toed pumps marked down by my bff at Macys. One of my members from the credit union works there, so I say there’s a dent in the leather and he marks them damaged and voila my $90 shoes turn into $70 shoes. Which still seems steap, but these babies are worth it. CK, black leather, pointy-toed, kitten healed pumps! Gorgeous!

So, I think I’ve finally gotten through all the good… now onto my family drama. Well, my brother’s been cutting and we think my dad might be cheating on my mom. *Not having to do with the psychic!* I swear. But my brother found a cellphone in my dad’s desk that didn’t look familiar. We poked through it and found a whole 5 phone numbers, the entries were only initials and the text from K was “I love you!” I’m still digging around. I believe it could definitely be true, but I don’t want to make an already precarious family situation worse by making such awful accusations, without being 100% sure.

So, there’s this cute little metaphysical bookstore about an hour away that my mom and I found.  I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned it before cause I have a huge crush on the younger guy that works there.  However, the other guy I’ve met, presumably the owner, has been rude and very curt on every occasion I’ve met him.  But despite this man’s attitude we have continued to make the hour long drive every couple of weeks or so for herbs and general poking around the shop and for Jamie-staring-at-the-cute-nerdy-pagan-boy Time.  Once we even got all the way out there and they were closed for no reason and we still continued to make the trek and shop there.  Today was the final straw.  I have written up the following review to put on Google.  My mom doesn’t want me too, understandably so.  However, I need to vent.  So I’m putting it up over here until I decide whether it makes me as bad a person as him to post it.  What I really want to do is drive down there and give him a good shouting.  Another reason my mother doesn’t want me to do anything is that she believes he is dark and might do something negative against us (read: hex us).

“An it harm none, do what ye will”? (this is my major problem right here, won’t my publishing this review (with names) be harming as well?)

I have had both good experiences and bad ones in this store.  They have an amazing collection of herbs and a good selection of books for the size of the store, and most of the staff is very pleasant.  However, there is one member of the staff (the owner, I believe) that has repeatedly been rude to my mother and me.  Today was the final straw.  For the first time, he actually seemed kind of friendly and then he did a “free reading” for my mother for no reason.  He told her my father was having an affair.  I don’t care whether it is true or not, but no professional “psychic” should ever tell a client such bad news so directly, even if every card in the reading indicates such.  It is rude and mean-spirited.

The title is a general form of the Wiccan Rede: as long as it ain’t hurting anyone, do what you want.  The general philosophy of most forms of paganism, specifically Wicca (which I don’t practice, however I do respect the Rede).  In my opinion this man greatly broke the one major rule of his religion, however wouldn’t my posting the very negative review for potential customers of his and potentially harming his business and him be breaking the Rede as well?

And the second worst part of this (the first obvious part would be how my mom is feeling tonight) is that I’ll never find out if me and cute-nerdy-pagan-boy would have hit it off.  Damn.

Paralegal.

That’s what I’m going to do.  I’m taking 4 classes this semester, maybe 5 if I can get signed into one.  I’m wicked excited about this one.

Oh, yea, and I survived New Years, apparently.  Sorry for the meltdown.

mental breakdown

mental breakdown

mental breakdown

Oh how I hate this holiday

Every freaking year

I do NOT want to go out tomorrow night.  And I most certainly don’t want to go out with the Romanian tomorrow night.  He’s just fine.  Honestly, I’ve barely seen him since my last post.  And when I have he’s been very pleasant.  However, today I got about ten missed calls and a voicemail.  I can’t deal with this.  I officially hate being set up.

That’s just adding to my regular yearly mental breakdown that begins the day before New Year’s Eve.  Last year it lasted about two weeks.  However the fact that I was reading New Moon for the first time at the time defintely added to that particular depression.

I can’t handle this.  I have to work tomorrow and I want to call out soooo badly.  I can’t.  I know I can’t, but I want to.  I just know Joe is going to come in (pray tell, why do you come into work almost everyday during your vacation?) and bring the Romanian and he’ll annoy me at work and Joe will be like “he’s very sensitive, why were you avoiding his calls, are you going to take him to your party and First Night tonight?” And I might flip out.  I honestly don’t know if I can take it.  All the meddling and all the clinging.  I just can’t deal.

Seriously, I want a boyfriend.  I want somebody to kiss at midnight.  Honestly, I do.  But I want it to be someone I pick out.  I want to be happy.

Sooo…

My assistant manager set me up with this guy who used to live in his apartment building.  It’s going well.  He’s very polite.  And oh-my-goodness the accent.  He’s from Romania, but speaks English very fluently even though he’s only been here a little over a year.  Last night the Romanian, Joe (my boss), Lynne (my bff, wingman and backup) and I went out for drinks andthe Romanian and I really hit it off.  His name is Jon, but it’s just so much more fun to say “the Romanian.” Joe and Lynne pretty much sat next to us, got us started talking and then let us be.  We don’t have too much in common, but he’s really cool to talk to.  We went out for lunch today too.  And I got a kiss on the cheek.  He’s very gentlemanly.  It’s pretty damn nice, actually, even if it seems a little slow or cliched, but it’s nice.  We’re probably going to go out next week and maybe spend New Years together.  At lunch today we talked about everything, but art especially, so I really want to take him to the MFA here in Boston.  I have Tuesday off and it would make a really fun date I think.

At first, not gonna lie, I was a little offended when Joe started meddling cause he was trying to be sly about setting us up, but he wasn’t very good at it.  Joe and I don’t really get along well, so I was confused by that too.  But now, I dunno, my opinion has changed a bit.  When Joe was first describing the Romanian to me, he said he was deep and smart.  So, rather than being offended cause people think I need a boyfriend or whatever, I’ve taken it as well, he must think I’m deep and smart too since he thought we’d get along so well.

Hehe, in the middle of writing this little update, the Romanian texted me a Good Night.

Snagged as usual from Sassenach:

What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? Ummm… I planned a short, but very spontaneous trip to Georgia and South Carolina and funded it all by myself.  Usually my trips are planned well in advance and paid for by the parents or gps.  Um, I also cooked last week.  I can bake, but I’m terrified of cooking meat and giving people food poisoning so I’ve never really cooked.

Did you keep your new years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? I had a billion resolutions last year (well 10 actually).  Some were more successful than others, but in the end I’m probably just the same as last year.  This year the only resolution I am making is to save my money.

Did anyone close to you give birth? Um, my boss’s wife and a co-worker.

Did anyone close to you die? Yes, although I hadn’t seen her in about 12 years.

What countries did you visit? Only my own.

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? A boyfriend.  Maybe.  A better job.  Some money would be nice too.

What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Hmmm… good question.  November 21 (Twilight), Election Day, a particularly fun night in March, the day I got into Clemson

What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting into Clemson, even if I didn’t end up going there.  It’s a great school and I really didn’t think I would get in.

What was your biggest failure? Not doing better in my classes.

Did you suffer illness or injury? Root canal just last week.  A nasty bout of the flu a couple of weeks ago.  I’m sure I’ve had bad colds and stuff before too.  I’m always sick.

What was the best thing you bought? No idea.  OH!  I GOT IT!  My tattoo!

Whose behavior merited celebration? My mom’s.  It’s been an awful year and she’s kept this family together pretty damn well despite all the stress.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Politics bullshit I guess.

Where did most of your money go? Bills: school loans and car stuff.

What did you get really, really, really excited about? Twilight.  Going back to school (although that fizzled quite a bit)

What song will always remind you of 2008? anything from the Twilight soundtrack, cause I am that lame

Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? not gonna lie, I always get sad this time of year, so just as sad, if not a little sadder
ii. thinner or fatter? a teensy bit less
iii. richer or poorer? much poorer

What do you wish you’d done more of? gone to class, read, knit

What do you wish you’d done less of? stress, work

How will you be spending Christmas? With the fam

Did you fall in love? Pffft.

What was your favourite TV program? I got wicked into Doctor Who this year.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I don’t think so, although it was a bad day at work so I could be mean and say my head teller, but I don’t really hate her.

What was the best book you read? Hmm, I’ve read a lot this year: Twilight, His Dark Materials, a couple of Austen novels I hadn’t read before.  Best would have to be Persuasion by Jane Austen

What was your greatest musical discovery? Ok, most of them are from the Twilight soundtrack or my Plurk penpal Jassy: Muse, The Lucksmiths, Los Campesinos, Stealing Jane, A Fine Frenzy, Iron & Wine

What did you want and get? To get into Clemson

What did you want and not get? To go to Clemson

What was your favorite film of this year? Do I really need to say it?!  Twilight, obviously.  Although, there were plenty of good ones out this year: Dark Knight, Iron Man, Mamma Mia, etc

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 22 and I went out with Ashley and Christine to Acapulco’s for margaritas and beer!

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably satisfying? For my dad to have found a job and we didn’t have to worry about how the mortgage would get paid this month.  A boyfriend would have helped a bit too.

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? running with Sassenach’s “comfortable”

What kept you sane? knitting and reading mystery novels or vampire books or vampire mysteries

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? hehe… RPattz, no question.  David Tennant too.

What political issue stirred you the most? Obama winning the election

Who did you miss? Rachel from RWU who I only got to see a couple of times this year.  My family in Georgia and Florida.  And Ashley.

Who was the best new person you met? At the moment, my brother’s girlfriend.  I don’t know if she’s the best of the whole year, but she’s pretty cool.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: errr… don’t take Psych classes if you’re in a particularly low mood.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: How about I come back to this one, eh?

Well, I promised a knitting update and here it is:

My Rosalie hat:

Based on a hat that Rosalie wore during one of the cafeteria scenes:

I have shared it on Ravelry and people are actually interested in a pattern!!! It will need a bit of reworking: more lacy and more slouchy. But still, the idea of designing a pattern and sharing it with others is something I never thought I’d be doing when I began knitting 4 years ago.

These are my goth-y gauntlets:

The pattern is Twisted Stitches’ Armwarmers.  And I wear them very often.  I get a lot of compliments on them as well.

Um, I just finished a pair of Maine Morning Mitts, but I don’t have a picture yet.  They are for my mom’s friend for Christmas.  And I really enjoyed the pattern so I decided to use the rest of the yarn that I had from my cousins’ hats last year to make matching Mitts, but I just finished one and doubt I’ll have enough left for a second one.

The other MAJOR Christmas present.  The only one I had really intended on making is my mom’s Shoalwater Shawl.  Here is a WIP Pic:

Oh, and the Winter Twilight Mitts WIP pic: (yea I’ve been a bit obsessed with fingerless mitts lately)

I overdyed the secondary yarn (the not-blue one) from a green and orange colorway with grape Kool-Aide, but instead of a dark purple I got more of a purpley, greeny, orangy, color.

Ok, well I oughtta get back to my knitting and napping. I have the newest version of Sense and Sensibility in the DVD player and some meds to take.