Hi! This is me procrastinating sleep. I know I need to and I really want to, but my mind is running a million miles an hour right now. I’m going to pop an anxiety pill and hope that when I’m done with this massive update I will be sleepy…
Back and medicated. FYI, if you want to skip my rambling and get to the story of the day, skip down to the Romance part.
Ok, so my last real update was… months ago? So, how about I start with… I’m going back to school starting Wednesday. I’m psyched! And so totally nervous/freaked out/pulling out all my hair/screaming (hence the anxiety meds). I am taking four classes: General Psychology, Adolescent Psych, Creative Writing and American Writers (which I’m hopefully dropping and addind Comparative Mythology instead). I’m still going to be working at my credit union, but only part-time (Yay!). That’s really good, cause Metro is going to pot. Lynne, my work bff has left, V our other coworker left, C is on maternity leave, so that leaves The Boss/Jerk, the assistant manager (who’s useless), Head Teller (who’s awesome, but kind of dumb, but I love her) and M (slightly useless) and me. That’s not a lot of people for a huge branch like ours, so it kind of totally sucks now. Hell, it sucked before everyone left. Now it sucks and its wicked stressful. So, going to half-time will be really nice. We did pick up this new guy, B, who’s pretty much useless. He’s a board member’s son, fresh out of college and pretty and he knows it, so he tries to pull a lot of shit like leaving early and not doing work. Like I said, it sucks.
I’ve been drinking again, so I apologize for any incoherency. By drinking (last night too) I mean I had one beer and got quite the buzz, not that I’m totally inebriated. Spell check isn’t working right now, so I apologize in advance for that too.
School: check. Work: check. Social life: So, I’ve been socializing more. Or trying to, at least. I think my only high school friend that’s still around has disowned me because I’ve bailed on her one to many times. I haven’t heard from her for a month and haven’t seen her in much longer. I think she gave up on me. I should try to remedy that. I did go out on a date two weeks ago with a member of the CU (probably not policy, but nobody said anything) and that was okish, but no real chemistry. That’s why he’s included here in the social life part and not the romance part, which I’ll be getting to soon. I was supposed to hang out with my college friend, but she ended up not coming to town last week, so thats been postponed til next week (I think/hope).
I’m supposed to go out tomorrow with an old Fenway friend, but he’s a creeper and I’m having major second thoughts about it right now and as we speak am trying to come up with a nice way to get out of it.
Romance (Story of the day): So… here’s where it gets good. I know I’ve mentioned this guy Niels way back. He’s the tech for one of our machines at Metro and he’s pretty. I’ve been crushing on this guy since I first met him over a year ago. But I don’t do so well with the flirting and stuff like that, so its gotten nowhere. He’s pretty, but nerdy pretty, totally my type, but everytime he comes in, which isn’t very often and has only become less and less often as we finally learned the machine ourselves, so everytime he comes in I clam up, turn ten shades of red and don’t say anything. Today was no different. I tried to make small talk, I tripped on my purse, when I did talk I rambled and turned ten shades of red, as per the usual. However, half way through I decided that today I was going to do something about it. I didn’t really know what, but I’d do something. So, while he was working on the Cash Recycler, I slyly wrote my cell number on the back of one of my business cards. When he was wrapping up and saying bye, I walked with him out of the teller area and into the backroom. Here’s how it went down:
Me: Hey, Niels…
Him: Yea, whats up?
Me: (handing card) So, I really think you need my number just in case… the Recycler breaks on a Friday or Saturday night (insert coy smile here)
Him: (wicked smirk)…ok…(big smile)
And then he walked away and kept turning around and staring at me. Me trying to act all cool, walk back to the teller area and act normal. He’s still turning around to glance at me as he walks through the branch. At this point my Head Teller is staring at me trying to figure out what just happens because despite my attempt to act cool, I probably had a big silly grin on my face and wasn’t looking up to check out his bum like I usually do when he leaves. The second he’s gone, I practically fall down and SQUEE.
Yep, so that’s it for my Story of the day. It may not seem like much, but for somebody as socially inept as me, this is monumental. And I really can’t get over the fact that I really did it. Neither can anybody else I work with, because obviously they are all aware as to how head-over-heals I am for this guy. They’ve been harassing me to make a move for a year now. I know it doesn’t really qualify the heading of “Romance” but its as close as I can get to it lately.
Other news: I’ve decided to declare myself as Pagan. I’ve been reading a lot of books about it lately and as lame as the New Age section of the bookstore can be, I’ve managed to find some really good materials. It’s not really a religion, but more of a spirituality and lifestyle. It really suits me. Granted, I haven’t meditated in a while (bad Pagan, no cookie) but still. Everything I’ve read says that even if you don’t believe in magick, or don’t understand it, if you meditate and believe and be attentive, you will notice little coincidences. Some people might think they are just mere coincidences, others believe that this is magick. If you will something, it will happen. Rather personal stuff here, I know, but I have to note it. During my first conscience meditation, the first one I spoke to the God and the Goddess, I asked for two things really: guidance on my spiritual journey and love. I was vague on the love part, but Goddess knows I could use some help in that area, so I threw it in there too. Last night before I fell into a beer+anxiety meds coma-sleep (you’re not supposed to drink with the meds, oops) I was thinking, a mini-meditiation if you will, and I started to notice these coincidences. The first thing I asked for was guidance and now a month later, I’m registering for a Comparative Mythology class. It discusses the old mythologies: Mayan, Eygptian, Greek, among others, but many of the pantheons I’ve read about in my Pagan books. Granted, I got unregistered for it because I’m not a “Continuing Ed” student and therefore can’t register myself for night classes, but I think I can probably be signed in if I go to an advisor. The second part, the love part, is more tricky. But as I was thinking, I remembered that the member from the credit union asked me out very much out of the blue. I remembered that it was on one of my Good Days. I had a good attitude, I felt pretty, I smelt awesome, I just exuded confidence. A couple of days later, Fenway guy IMs me and says we should go out and catch up (not to sound cocky, but this guy has had a thing for me since we met). Then I decided I would keep this whole self-confidence thing up and see what comes. Well, look at what I did the very next day (refer to that story of the day)… coincidences? magick? self-confidence? I don’t know… they all seem pretty related to me. I’m not saying that I only did this today because I’m Pagan, but I have noticed a serious change in my overall attitude since I devoted myself to it.
The other thing, (again with the very personal information I’m revealing on a blog) is that, as I mentioned before I’m on meds again. After talking with my family I decided to go back onto Anti-D’s and Anti-Anxiety meds. Maybe that’s where the burst of confidence came from. Who knows? Maybe it’s all just a bunch of happy coincidences that have made such a difference in my outlook, but the bottom line is that there is a change. And it’s a big good one.
Ok, now that I’m done writing a novel the plan has worked and I am falling asleep. Good night and thanks so much for listening to my rambling. Hopefully, I’ll get back into this journaling/blogging thing and it won’t be such a long time before my next real post. See ya!