My new college lifestyle was interrupted, as things always are when you’re developing a good rhythm. Last Tuesday my parents came to visit me and drop off some stuff I had forgotten when I moved. When they arrived, they each pulled me into a hug and instantly I knew something was wrong. The tears started to well up and they informed me that about ten minutes before they got there, my uncle had called them to say that my Grammy had passed away. She had been 89 years old and had lived a very full life, raising 4 children and then 4 grandchildren. Honestly, I am more happy and relieved than sad at her passing. She’s been suffering from dementia for about 4 or 5 years now. I found it incredibly difficult to see her that way. She had lost a ton of weight and withered down to about 80 pounds. About a week ago, she stopped eating entirely. We knew it was only a matter of time.
I honestly cannot take much more heartache. My other grandmother passed away 4 months ago on June 1st. That was even harder cause it had not been expected at all. Her death still hasn’t even sunk in somehow. I keep thinking that the next time I go down to Georgia, she’ll still be there or when I call my Granddad, she’ll answer the phone. And then on the other hand, I’ve been so prepared for my Grammy to pass because mentally she’s been gone for a year or so now.
At the funeral today, I sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” with my cousin. We all also put together a slideshow of pictures of Grammy with her kids and grandkids. One picture kept coming up and making my cry. The picture from my parents’ wedding with both sets of parents with the bride and groom. It hurt to see the three most important things in my life that have been taken from me, smiling in that happy picture: my two grandmothers and my parents’ marriage which has been dissolving away since February right before my eyes.
How are you supposed to recover from all of this trauma?
Rest in Peace
Gramcracker and Grammy
I miss you both so much