FireSpinner and all her Obsessions

knitting, spinning, obsessing…

gone September 22, 2009

Filed under: family — firespinner526 @ 1:54 am

My new college lifestyle was interrupted, as things always are when you’re developing a good rhythm.  Last Tuesday my parents came to visit me and drop off some stuff I had forgotten when I moved.  When they arrived, they each pulled me into a hug and instantly I knew something was wrong.  The tears started to well up and they informed me that about ten minutes before they got there, my uncle had called them to say that my Grammy had passed away.  She had been 89 years old and had lived a very full life, raising 4 children and then 4 grandchildren.  Honestly, I am more happy and relieved than sad at her passing.  She’s been suffering from dementia for about 4 or 5 years now.  I found it incredibly difficult to see her that way.  She had lost a ton of weight and withered down to about 80 pounds.  About a week ago, she stopped eating entirely.  We knew it was only a matter of time.

I honestly cannot take much more heartache.  My other grandmother passed away 4 months ago on June 1st.  That was even harder cause it had not been expected at all.  Her death still hasn’t even sunk in somehow.  I keep thinking that the next time I go down to Georgia, she’ll still be there or when I call my Granddad, she’ll answer the phone.  And then on the other hand, I’ve been so prepared for my Grammy to pass because mentally she’s been gone for a year or so now.

At the funeral today, I sang “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” with my cousin.  We all also put together a slideshow of pictures of Grammy with her kids and grandkids.  One picture kept coming up and making my cry.  The picture from my parents’ wedding with both sets of parents with the bride and groom.  It hurt to see the three most important things in my life that have been taken from me, smiling in that happy picture: my two grandmothers and my parents’ marriage which has been dissolving away since February right before my eyes.

How are you supposed to recover from all of this trauma?

Rest in Peace

Gramcracker and Grammy

I miss you both so much


2 Responses to “gone”

  1. Stitch-n-Snitch Says:

    I’m so, so sorry.

    They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but sometimes it sure feels like being killed would be the easier way, doesn’t it?!


  2. Sérgio Henrique Ribeiro da Silva Says:

    I´m also sorry, really. I´m from Argentina and i´m sorry if sometimes i didn´t find the right way to express myself.

    Couldn´t help to notice because i feel related to everything written, your sense of reality telling what just happened to you it might not look to you, but for people looking on the outside shows someone strong.

    It´s tough, it hurt´s like hell and that´s way thing might exist for now, but trust me the pain goes away. I feel related because with me it was with an uncle who was the father i never had, the man was strong as a horse and my mom in a sunday morning wake me up telling me that he just passed away. I lost 2 years of college, my aunt who then became a widow didn´t had a dime on her pocket and i had to quit college, i come back, to see this sort of stuff when the roof comes down… it never shows you the real sight of things.

    Just trust me for that, like things went bad they have this funny mania of become good as well, before you notice there will be more reasons to smile than to be sad. It could sound dumb all this, but just as i see the way you put things and express yourself i feel like ” i´ve been there, if i say just one thing or another “… just to be brave enough to share you pain you´re showing a tremendous amount of strenght, the bad times will finish sooner than you think, trust me.

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